I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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