Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
