Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
