So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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