hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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