Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
