While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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