i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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