and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize