Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
