there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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