Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Randomize
