Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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