I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
