I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
