what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
