I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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