I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
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