im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
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You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
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