clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
