Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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