I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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