First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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