Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
jump out the window naked night went bad
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