i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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