getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
So squirting runs in the family.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
