Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
