I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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