i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
