yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
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