Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Please don't give away my fajitas
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