a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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