i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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