i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
