never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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