i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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