I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
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