Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
