I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Randomize
