Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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