I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
he wants to bone in the snuggie
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
