my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
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