i already hear my dad disowning me
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
