Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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