Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
