i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
