Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
