He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Just invented taco cereal.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
