in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Randomize
