you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
