Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
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