Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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