Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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