You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
