dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
