My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
