I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
