I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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