I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
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Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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