She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize