I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
