i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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