I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
