Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
