How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
