just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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